


The Darkness is All I Know

by megisrad



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-01 11:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megisrad/pseuds/megisrad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles isn't handling the burden of the darkness in his heart very well. Not at all. Derek has been gone for months and Stiles has shut everyone around him out and word gets to Derek about what is going on. Derek returns to Beacon Hills to mend Stiles, but he doesn't know how. Between Season 3a and 3b. Possible Spoilers for up to 3b.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my very first fic on here! I'm very excited to post something, so I would love some feedback. I don't know how many chapters this will be, but I hope to update often! :)

It’s been months since Derek left Beacon Hills and it’s been quiet, but Stiles isn’t satisfied with that. He’s not satisfied that his best friend is always with his new best friend; that damn pathetic Isaac.

 

Every since the darkness entered Stiles’ heart he could feel it eating away at him. He withdrew from everyone and hate filled him. He found out that sarcasm wasn’t his only defense anymore; it was locking himself away from the world and biting of the heads of anyone who tried to help him.

 

The boy didn’t know who he even was anymore. He was losing weight and he wasn’t sure it was possible to be even more thin and fragile than he already was.

 

Every week Scott stopped by, but Stiles didn’t acknowledge him. He began to despise Scott. How come the darkness wasn’t consuming Scott like it was for him? Was it because he was a werewolf? Once again Stiles felt like the weak human with nothing to offer.

 

Lydia came by as well and yelled at him for being selfish for shutting everyone out. She would sometimes cry and told him he wasn’t the only one who was suffering and he would win if he would only try to fight it. He couldn’t fight it. He didn’t know how.

 

The sheriff threatened to send him away to a psychiatric hospital if he wouldn’t start talking. The sheriff was scared and didn’t know what to do. If Stiles’ mother were around she would know what to do with their son.

 

Winter was a bitter one and it only worsened the darkness in the boy’s heart.

 

Stiles would stare at his phone sometimes and stare at Derek’s number, wondering if the man would pick up if he called. He never did try to call or text Derek, but he wanted to every day. Stiles just wanted to hear his voice. He wasn’t sure why, but he missed Derek. It was such a strange thing to admit. What was there to miss about the tall and brooding man filled with hurt and rage? He wasn’t sure, but being in this state of emptiness made Stiles understand the pain he was going through and he wanted to share and heal this pain with Derek. Stiles wanted to know how he could fight this darkness. Even if it meant taking the bite he would. Scott had refused to give Stiles’ the bite and Derek’s bite wouldn’t do him any good know that he was no longer an alpha.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weeks passed and it became late February. He wasn’t sure anymore when Derek and Cora had left. Stiles’ phone beeped. It’s a text message from a strange number:

 

_Scott found my new number somehow. I blame Cora. He won’t stop texting me. What’s going on Stiles? I swear to God if you don’t tell me, I will force it out of you. The pack is down my throat about it and is convinced I can fix you. –Derek._

Stiles huffs in confusion and is hurt that his friends betrayed him to Derek. He types back:

 

_Fuck off, Derek. You have no fucking right to ask me what’s wrong. You left._

A text pops up moments later from Derek again:

 

**Derek:** _I had no choice. Everything I touch crumbles and everything I love betrays me. What would you do if you were me? You’re doing the same thing now. Shutting everyone out. Refusing to talk to them._

**Stiles:** _Why can’t I be left alone? You ran away so why can’t I?_

**Derek:** _Because it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done and now I don’t know how to fix it._

**Stiles:** _But you somehow think you can fix me?_

**Derek:** _I don’t know…but I want to try._

**Stiles:** _WHY? Why does it matter?_

**Derek:** _Scott and everyone are scared. That’s what matters. It matters that they are worried sick about you and they can’t figure out how to fix it. They want to help you, but they say you won’t let anyone in._

**Stiles:** _I’m glad they care about me. It doesn’t really answer why you are the one trying to fix this if you don’t even care. YOU LEFT US. You left me…_

**Derek:** _I care about you…_

**Stiles:** _Thanks. You’re shitty text messages make this all better._

**Derek:** _I’m coming back. Next week. And you’re being a dick, so there’s that, but I guess I would rather have you be a dick to me than be an invalid. Step one: I actually got you to talk to me._

**Stiles:** _Fuck you._

Stiles didn’t get any more text messages from Derek that night. Eventually Stiles fell into a fitful sleep. The effort of fighting the darkness was never worth it. He began to welcome it.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

True to his word, shockingly as Stiles would describe it, Derek came back. Derek came back right through his window like he did all the previous times…like it was no big deal. No big deal that Stiles was infuriated at him. No big deal that he had be gone for months and didn’t call. Stiles rushed Derek before he even got a word out and started pounding on the man’s chest with both his fists clenched.

 

“You are a fucking prick. I hope you know that Derek Hale,” Stiles bites out and Derek catches his wrists before he hurt himself. His senses were betraying him and the boy felt tears began to well in his eyes. It was emotion. It was the first time he felt any emotion in a long time besides anger.

 

“Yeah,” Derek breathed out. “I know I am…I know I am”. Derek breathes in the scent of Stiles and gathers him in his arms and pulls the boy tight against his chest.

 

Everything Stiles has been holding back and hiding breaks. The muscles of the man against him are hot and hard. He feels his fingers dig into the man as a scream rips from his throat. At this point he’s glad his Dad isn’t home. Derek in his room…and him basically going bat shit would end up with someone in jail; probably Derek in jail that is.

 

Derek only held the boy closer to him and guided them to sit on the bed in the room. Stiles shifted and clung to Derek and buried his face into to shoulder of the werewolf.

 

Derek felt Stiles hot breath on his neck and heard his wretched sobs and ran his hands down the boys back in an effort to calm him.

 

“Don’t leave me alone…” Stiles whispered. “I’ve pushed everyone away and I don’t know how to get them back. I’m so scared being all alone.”

 

Derek hummed in response and pulled the boy down to lie alongside him. Derek felt the wetness of tears on his neck. Stiles continued to shake as he cried out his frustration.

 

“I’m here Stiles,” Derek whispered gently and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Stiles didn’t react but Derek felt him slowly slip into sleep.

 

                                                                                                               


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the second chapter finally. I probably should have edited more and for that I apologize, but I can't sleep so I decided to work on it. Probably not the best time to do it, but I woke up in the middle of the night because I was in a lot of pain. Recovering after getting my wisdom teeth removed is exhausting honestly. It's been almost four days and I've been miserable. Anyhow, please leave comments and kudos! Merry Christmas!!!

Stiles slowly drifted into existence. There was a sliver of light coming through the windows meaning it was almost sunrise. He felt the warm body of Derek lying next to him with his back pressed against the older man’s chest. Spooning would have been awkward, but he was still too exhausted to care and was thankful he slept through the rest of the night with Derek next to him.

 

“Stiles,” Derek murmured into his ear. “You’re shaking, are you cold?” Before he can answer Derek is pulling the blankets around him and gathering him closer for more warmth.

 

“I’m okay,” Stiles lied. It was easiest to lie.

 

“You’re cold…I can feel you,”

 

“Creepy, wolf”. Stiles muttered but allowed himself to be drawn closer to Derek.

 

“Sleep some more,” was the last words Stiles heard before he slipped into a deep sleep.

 

“—Stiles, Stiles!”

 

There was screaming and Stiles vision came to him in blurs of flashes and movements, but he heard Derek saying something, but he couldn’t hear anything aside from his name. Everything else was too blurry and undecipherable.

 

Hands were all over Stiles. Hot hands and sharp words. Bright light was flooding the room telling his senses that it must be late morning.

 

“D-Derek,” Stiles whispers out and his vision slowly focuses on the face of a worried werewolf. His eyes are wide and alert.

 

Stiles breath comes out in shallow gasps and he is pulled to sit up.

 

“Breath, Stiles,” Derek is there reassuring him. “It’s okay. You’re safe. I promise you you’re safe.”

 

Sweat and heat is rolling of the youth’s body as he tries to calm himself out of an impending panic attack. This has become the norm now. There’s always nightmares, and screaming in the night as his Dad shakes him awake because he can’t stand to hear the blood curdling scream’s that come from his son’s mouth.

 

His breath returns to him as he chokes out a sob and hot tears run down his face and he tries to hide it from the older man. He tugs away from the hands on his shoulders like he’s a caged animal trying to escaped but Derek doesn’t let him.

“Stiles, you were screaming like you were being attacked or murdered.” Derek spoke in a shaken voice. “It scared me. I’ve never heard anything like it.” Derek is brushing the boy’s tear stained face but it only makes him cry harder. Stiles is ashamed and scared. Ashamed that Derek has to see him being so weak again.

 

“Have you seen Deaton lately?” Derek continued.

 

“No, I won’t see Deaton.” Stiles speaks quietly. “Deaton isn’t what I need.”

 

“Oh, well enlighten me on what you do need then.” Annoyance comes through. “Because whatever shit you’ve been pulling these days clearly aren’t working.

 

“I want…I _need_ it,” Stiles pleads with Derek and he knows what he’s asking.

 

“You are _not_ taking the bite from an one,” Derek growls as his eyes flash a golden yellow.

 

“One of the twins would, I know they would!” Stiles has a frantic look in his eyes as if his plan is brilliant and fault proof. “It will fix me. This doesn’t affect Scott like it does to me. The bite can get rid of the darkness.

 

“I would kill whoever gave you that bite,” Derek spits out. “It’s not happening.”

 

Stiles finds himself pinned to the bed and Derek looming above him fangs out.

 

Derek leans down and scrapes his sharp teeth across the boy’s neck as a rumble escapes his throat.

 

“Is this what you want Stiles?” Derek inhales the scent of the boy. It’s sweat, exhaustion, and fear. “Some alpha digging their sharp teeth into your flesh. What if they don’t stop? What if it kills you? What then? Would it be worth it?”

 

“Yes,” Stiles cries in desperation as he shakes violently under the heavy weight of the man. “I just want it to end. I need it to end. Make it stop.”

 

“No.”

 

“Yes,” the boy writhes under Derek causing a growl to rumble in his throat. “Fucking yes.”

 

Derek doesn’t respond this time but lifts off the boy and his face doesn’t resemble a werewolf anymore. It’s soft and gentle again as he pulls Stiles to his chest and presses his forehead into the crook of the boy’s shoulder.

 

“I will never let it happen,” Derek mutters.”The bite isn’t meant for people like you…you’re special Stiles. Your smarter as a person and too compulsive to be a werewolf.”

 

“You’re just saying things,” Stiles speaks with little emotion. “You know that's not true. You’re just trying to make yourself feel better, but you know I would be a good werewolf…too smart for my own good, sour wolf.” Stiles pulls Derek’s face up to look at him. He wants to be in charge this time. He knows a werewolf would never submit to a human, but this is Derek and Stiles has some sort of effect on him. Derek’s not really sure what it is. It’s like a deep longing for the boy.

 

“I would have so much power,” The words roll off Stiles’ tongue and his breath is hot on Derek’s face as their lips are nearly touching. The older man feels the rapid heart beat of the boy even though he physically doesn’t show it. He hums in reply to the youth.

 

“I promise you’re strong enough to fight this without being a werewolf,” Derek speaks gently. “The bite would be a curse to you…and I can’t see you go through that.” Hot tears fall down Stiles’ cheeks and Derek acts on impulse, impulse to protect and care for, by kissing Stiles gently.

 

Stiles melts into Derek and his lips press back eagerly wanting to taste him. A moan slips from Stiles’ lips, which only encourages Derek more. Derek pulls the boy onto his lap and breaks the kiss to catch his breath.

 

Stiles whimpers and mouths at Derek’s neck and grinds down on the warm lap he’s perched on.

 

“D-Derek,” Stiles huffs out. “I need you.” Stiles looks up into the lost eyes of Derek and feels the man fist the fabric in the back of his t-shirt.

 

“I can’t give you what you want,” Derek whispers, but Stiles isn’t sure if he means the bite, or something more.

 

“You could give me so much,” Stiles speaks and captures Derek’s lip into another searing kiss. Hot hands are gripping at the boy and his shirt is being pushed up. Derek wrenches away regretfully.

 

“You are so incredibly inviting right now,” Derek mutters. “I want it all…want to dig my teeth into your neck and swallow down your moans. I want to claim you. I want you to feel me everywhere. I want you to feel how much I want you…how much I’ve always wanted you, but I can’t right now.”

 

Stiles rolls his hips and receives a moan from Derek who grips at the hips youth to try and stop him, but his body reacts and bucks up in response.

 

“S-Stiles,” Derek whines out in pleasure.

 

“Just take care of me,” Stiles speaks gently. “Just help me forget all this. Help me feel special for just one day…I didn’t fight so hard for nothing right? I won’t just roll over and die from the darkness, but it won’t let me move on. It’s all I think about…how I’m not special, and how used I feel…please, Derek.”

 

Derek wraps his arm around the boy wanting to take away all his pain and hurt. He knew it wasn’t right of him, but Stiles needed him, and he didn’t want to deny the boy. Derek wouldn’t be faking his emotions, and he knew the boy felt the same way, but he never acted on it because he felt like he was protecting the boy by denying his feelings. Maybe Derek was wrong all along. Maybe this was only hurting him more.

 

Derek pulled the boy off his lap and laid him gently on the bed and nestled his body between Stiles’ legs. He nipped at the youth’s lips and wandered down to his neck. Clothing was being pulled and pushed off Derek and soon they both were stripped of clothing besides their boxers. Stiles let his hands wander over the muscled werewolf. He was perfect in Stiles’ eyes and so damn delicious.

 

“So perfect, Stiles,” Derek purred as his slipped a hand into Stiles’ boxers squeezing his hard and leaking member. A growl rumbled in Derek’s throat as Stiles writhed beneath him.

 

“Stiles,” Derek continued. “The effect you still have on me is intoxicating.” Derek squeezes and tugs on Stiles’ member causing the boy to shudder.

 

“F-fuck, Derek,” Stiles whimpered. “How is it possible this is happening. How could you actually want scrawny me?”

 

“You’re body is incredible. You just hide it behind those baggy clothes…and your mind is astonishing. All that information and skills just come to you. You don’t even have to try. I’m not sure why more people don’t want to jump your bones.”

 

“So romantic, sour wolf.” Stiles chuckles and finds claim on Derek’s member and pulls him out of his boxers. He moans at the sight of the werewolf’s shaft. It’s thick and heavy. The thought of it in his mouth or inside him only made him harder.

 

“Like what you see?” Derek is still cocky and it turns Stiles on. Both of the boy’s faces are flushed and the arousal is thick in the air.

 

“Can I blow you?” Derek questions even though he’s sure Stiles will say yes. Stiles nods fervently and croaks out yes.

 

Derek pulls of Stiles boxers and stares at the youth with lust. Stiles shudders as Derek slowly kisses down his chest and stomach. The werewolf nips at the boy’s hipbones and sucks on the skin to mark his pale skin. Stiles’ hips press up yearning for more.

 

“D-Derek, please,” Stiles pleads and pulls at Derek’s hair.

 

Derek doesn’t need any further encouragement and brings his face level with the with Stiles’ hard and leaking member. Derek takes the tip in his mouth and closes his lips around it causing Stiles to cry out in pleasure.

  
Stiles is spewing a slur of profanities in barely coherent speech as he keens under Derek’s mouth. His senses are on overdrive and grips at Derek’s neck and hair.

 

Derek slides his mouth down to the base and grips the youth’s hips as he bobs his head.

 

“Shit, Derek,” Stiles gasps out, “I’m not going to last much longer…you are too perfect…and your mouth”. Derek hums and only quickens his actions. Stiles tries to warn him, but Derek takes him all in and swallows his release without hesitation.

 

Derek milks Stiles until he’s limp and sensitive. Derek pulls away to nestle up next to Stiles.

 

“Amazing,” Stiles mumbles. Derek admires the youth who has his eyes closed as he is coming down from the high of release. The boy is beautiful and his body is flushed to his neck. Derek has never seen something so gorgeous.

 

“Hm, let me make you feel good babe,” Stiles speaks softly in admiration. Derek only shakes his head and nuzzles into the boy’s neck.

 

“I’m going to shower and cool down. I think we should go see Deaton.” Derek states and leaves no room for argument before he slips off the bed towards the bathroom across the hall.

 

“So you seduce me and then force me to go see Deaton?” Stiles mutters slightly disappointed, but he knew Derek wouldn’t let him continue this life of self-destruction. This was the first time in months he had felt something inside him that wasn’t self loathing and he couldn't lose that. He couldn’t lose Derek again. He huffed and covered his eyes hiding from the world for just a few more moments. Stiles knew things were going to change and he wasn’t going to like them right away, but he would try. He would try to keep this feeling alive in him so he could try to beat this darkness.

 

Derek was finally back and Stiles finally had something going right in his life.

 

 


End file.
